Posted by: C J | February 27, 2015

My Life is Screaming at Me to …

Fall in love with the journey!                                                      

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It’s all about the journey!

                                                                      

A couple of weeks ago during one of my SSM (spiritual staff meeting) which is another name I give my mindful meditation – Spirit clearly and loudly said, “Fall in love with the journey.” As I heard and received the message it brought tears to eyes instantly and filled my heart with desire, curiosity, and awe. Now here I am 3 weeks later still reflecting and contemplating my journey and viewing it through a new lens.

“I’m learning to trust the journey even when I do not understand it.” Mila Bron

Mila Bron’s quote helped me to not get stuck in the muck of trying to understand what my journey is all about. Like her I’m stepping out on trust and I’m invoking my faith and intuition. It is not my job or my responsibility to know all there is to know about my journey. And I don’t want to waste precious time and energy on analyzing or understanding my journey. After all; I don’t understand the way the Internet or my iPhone™ works but I use them and enjoy them every day.

“It’s all about the journey, not the outcome!” Carl Lewis

Taking Carl Lewis’ advice I am going to focus on my path not the destination. I am going to BE present for each rest stop, each road block, and each u-turn because they each offer a lesson, opportunity, or a detour to something bigger or better. I recognize that it is okay to make a u-turn, to follow the detour, or even ask for directions along my way. Delayed is not denied and rejection is the Universe simply sending me in a different direction.

“One cannot help but be in awe when one contemplates the mysteries of eternity, of life, of the marvelous structure of reality.” Dr. Albert Einstein

So if I’m in agreement with Dr. Einstein and use his words as a blueprint for how and why to fall in love with this fantastic voyage; I will proudly use my imagination, intuition, and maintain my child like awe of the mysteries of the Universe so that I can stay in alignment with my soul’s assignment.

Each morning when I wake up and I choose to surrender my ego so I can embrace my path with gratitude, the day’s path will be revealed, the light of my path will glisten, and its shimmer will direct my day.

“Life is a journey not a destination.” Ralph W. Emerson

Be in the Now — celebrate every win, honor every loss because each one offers a chance to take another step forward. If I stumble I’ll just make it part of my dance as I dance as if no one is watching. I know that failure is part of the process; if I fail 10K times I must keep getting up and do it again and  again. “Do. Or do not. There is no try.” Yoda

Today I am truly grateful for everyone who has been a part of my soul’s odyssey this lifetime…

I’ve decided to not overload my Mind- Body – Spirit with worries about tomorrow’s issue because when I do, I often stagger and fall from the weight. Instead I’m going to raise my vibration with excitement, awe, curiosity, and action.  I will savor as many moments of joy as possible and then share my delight and joy with others. As I fall in love with this journey I will let my light shine and not blind.

5 Ways to fall in love with your journey

  1. Recognize the journey is never ending
  2. Pay attention to the signs and symbols, the Universe sends you
  3. Savor real conversations with people you care about and who care about you
  4. Touch people with a smile, with eye contact, and with heartfelt caring
  5. Stay true to you so you can stay on path

“Your journey has molded you for your greater good…” Asha Tyson

 

Come back soon for another cup of comfort!

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Posted by: C J | January 18, 2015

I’m Sick of Saying Yes When All I Really Want…

is to say Hell No!

THE POWER OF NO

Ehmm... NO

Ehmm… NO

In today’s society many of us are on call or duty 24/7 – 365 days a year thanks to all our electronic devices that give constant and instant contact. This around-the-clock access is truly at a point of excess. There are too many people expecting too much of our time, energy, and space. Is it just me or does it seem that all of this constant contact for some reason makes people think their every desire or thought is an emergency that needs to be handled right now by you or me?

For example, have you noticed how texting is so much more intrusive than emailing ever was? For some people unlimited texting means I can text anyone at anytime day or night. Instant access has so many people out of control and narcissistic.

“If we say yes to all of them (demands) we will be buried.” Brendon Burchard

I’ve decided to focus on what is in my control and to do that; I will have to say NO more often. I am invoking the Serenity Prayer (again) – Lord grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. I am open, ready, and willing to be courageous enough to stand tall when I say “NO” at the appropriate times for the appropriate reasons. How about you?

I’m working on a new normal for 2015– so when I get those “special request” here’s my new answer – “My immediate answer is No but let me get back to you if a yes becomes possible.” The initial “No”- allows me time and space to breathe and think, because I can always change my mind if and when it becomes necessary. Saying no also allows me to create space for self-care by establishing and maintaining my balance, boundaries, and boldness.

“No is my default answer to request for my time.” Al Roker

It is okay for us to catch our breath before responding to unexpected or unwanted demands on our time and energy. Over the years as a psychotherapist, I have learned that making a statement; “I will not” closes the door on a discussion whereas saying, “I cannot” opens the door for discussion. For some crazy reason I don’t understand – when people here; “I can’t” – they want to prove to you why you can.  Try it right now – just say the two phrases out loud and pay attention to how each one feels and which one supports your personal power. “I will not” helps me be more effective and efficient with my time and energy. Whereas “I can’t” makes me want to justify why I can’t. 

Ohhh, have you noticed how ‘energy thugs’ try their best to make you feel guilty if you even think about saying no to their untimely unnecessary requests? I have noticed when people start a request with, “I hate to ask you again but could you…” wait for it – wait for it – the end of that sentence is going to cost you: time, money, energy, and or space. Respond cautiously.

“When you say “Yes” to others, make sure you are not saying “No” to yourself.” Paulo Coelho

3 Truths to help us fearlessly say NO:

1.  Helping others shouldn’t hurt me – if every time I help you I get injured I am not showing mySelf any respect or love.

 

2.  I don’t have to take care of everyone’s crisis all the time – if you continually are in crisis over the same thing time after time and I try to solve it each time – I’m not helping either one of us and I’m enabling you to stay in crisis mode.

 

3.  No – can be the appropriate answer to help others – learn accountability, efficacy, and autonomy- it really isn’t fair of me to not let you experience personal growth and a feeling of being able to take care of your own needs.

 

Come back soon for another cup of comfort!

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Posted by: C J | December 11, 2014

PB – is not about peanut butter but it is about…

your Personal Best!

Will you give your PB?

Will you give your PB?

 

Personal Best (PB) is about you going beyond what you have already done.  It gives you motivation and inspiration to keep moving forward, keep learning, keep giving, and keep receiving.  When I do my personal best in any given moment I feel joy, satisfaction, and contentment. Because I know that I have given all I have to give for that moment.

I often ask my private clients, once you have given your very best or personal best what else you can do? Most of my clients have had relationship challenges – sometimes it’s with food, sometimes with Mom, but most often with their partners or combination of all of the above. “CJ I have given it my best shot and now what else can I do?” – I mean seriously what else can you do- you’ve done your best –

Make sure you are delivering your personal best and let the Universe handle the rest!

Personal best is about that moment you give a project, a person, or a situation your distracted  presence or the fullness of you. Please believe you will feel this incomparable satisfaction and unmatched self-value when you know you have just given your PB.  It has nothing to do with doing your perfect best but your personal best. If you wait for your perfect best you will remain motionless or stuck. For example, if you have a boss who constantly stock piles your work load; all you can do is your very best! And you have the right to look your boss dead in the eye and express to her, ‘today this is my best- I have given this project and you my best.’

“Personal Power is the ability to take action.” Tony Robbins

If you have watched sports you know what I’m talking about – like when a NFL kicker does his personal best and it just happens to set a new record, when a WNBA player lands her best 3 pointer and it just happens to win the game, or when the late great Olympic athlete Flo Jo ran a perfect race and set a women’s record that to this day has not been broken. When I watch and experience their PB, I really do feel their elation and pride.

In our daily lives we can strive for our personal best by being present in the moment, being committed to giving our best, and staying focused on the prize- whatever that might be. For example, I love making homemade goodies to share with my family. This summer I made from scratch Sicilian spaghetti red sauce, a Southern tomato relish (chow chow), and CJ’s Urban Bourbon BBQ sauce – I am laser focused on my cooking and in doing my PB in the kitchen because my cooking will go to my loved ones.

This Fall I made and sent homemade Mexican tamales back home to Oklahoma. OH YEAH- my Mom said, “These are the best tamales you’ve made ever – I hope you wrote down what you did different!” I’ve been making tamales for over 25 years and I’m still finding a PB. That puts a smile on my face!

“The meaning of life is to give life meaning.”  Ken Hudgins

Here is a point to ponder: What can you do to improve your PB – spiritually, emotionally, mentally, and physically (SEMP) oh and financially too???  Tell me which one needs the most attention from you and tell me how you will give that attention to make a change. You can reply below.

Imagine if: Self-reverence, self-knowledge, and self-control lead to personal mastery which then would lead to your personal best.

Remember this: personal mastery is the ability to continually move toward being your best SEMP$ and being your PB is not a sprint but a lifetime marathon. That’s why we must extend and sustain the moments when we are free of fear, feel truly alive, and connected to all that is so we feel confident in giving or being our PB.

“You can have no dominion greater or less than that over yourself.” Leonardo da Vinci

Too often we let OPP= (other peoples’ problems) hinder us from even trying to give our PB. What if you resolve to not let OPP bleed onto you – drenching you with their unresolved issues expecting your to solve them? I’ve got enough “stuff” of my own and I have decided not to cosign for OPP and the lessons they came here to learn through those challenges and problems. Besides if we solve all their problems we are the “thug” who is robbing them of the opportunity to give their personal best.

“Only one who devotes himself to a cause with his whole strength and soul can be a true master. For this reason mastery demands all of a person.”  Albert Einstein

And too often we let OPF= (other peoples’ fears) dim our light and not let it shine. Fear can be delivered from a loving place without malice but the result is the same – the receiver becomes fearful and stuck in the muck. Remember cause and effect is a real Universal law. Cause = fear effect = staying stuck

Open your wings so you can FLY and BE who you are – even if that means “change”. The caterpillar is unaware that she will grow wings as soon as she allows nature to change her into a beautiful butterfly.

When you live and give your PB it sets you up to live a remarkable and amazing life – you own the responsibility and accountability for your creativity, energy, and soul’s assignment.

QUESTIONS to help you give or be your PB:

  1. What would it feel like to have enough self-confidence to live at your personal best more than you are now?
  2. What would it feel like to let you light shine on a pathway for others?
  3. What would it feel like to give your PB just for the next 24hrs?

Come back soon for another cup of comfort!

 

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Posted by: C J | October 5, 2014

PERFECTION and REJECTION are …

We crave perfection because we fear rejection!

We crave perfection because we fear rejection!

   BFFs (best friends forever) at least in my imperfect world.

                But in my best Patti LaBelle voice, “I got a New ATTITUDE!”

 If you’re into perfection you might be like I was when I suffered wildly from fear of rejection and without even knowing it let that fear direct my day. Recently I had one of those ‘aha’ moments – you know one of those times when you hear- ‘ding-ding’ well after the ding-ding I heard – I needed to be needed so that I couldn’t be rejected. In my mistaken and limiting belief I believed, if I’m needed “they” won’t reject me.

I forgot all about the need vs. want principle, which is – if a person merely needs you for something when that need is fulfilled “they” will no longer want you. UggH!

Perfection and rejection keep your emotions homeless with no place to rest!

So my fear of rejection fed my drive for perfection – I now realize that this is ass-backwards thinking. Napoleon Hill author of ‘Think and Grow Rich’ wrote another book that was published and released for the first time in 2011 although it was written some 70 years ago. Anyway in this old new book, ‘Outwitting the Devil’ he says FEAR is the devil’s cleverest and favorite device.

 

Our Media advertisements sure play on that one as a formula or blueprint to get us to buy their products – “If you don’t use ……… MY Brand you want get… “And of course, politicians use the fear factor too- if you don’t elect me you and your family will suffer from…… You get me drift! Fear tactics work so let’s become more aware of them when we are exposed to them.

“People will do more to avoid rejection than they will ever do to gain pleasure.” Tony Robbins

I released my deep need to be perfect and to be seen as perfection in motion, back in the 1990’s and yet just recently I have realized and recognized three main things about rejection and perfection, which I’ll discuss more deeply in a bit.

Remember what might be “perfect” to you might not be to someone else, that’s why perfection and rejection are so closely related. Have you noticed that when you try to please everyone it makes you freeze and you don’t get much accomplished? Have you watched yourself running in circles at a break neck speed for nothing?

Don M. Ruiz author of The 4 Agreements says, “Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality and dream.” If this is true let’s agree to stop the madness of fearing rejection and stop trying to please everyone.

“Everything we do is infused with the energy with which we do it. If we’re frantic, life will be frantic. If we’re peaceful, life will be peaceful…” Marianne Williamson

What if rejection is the Universe sending you in a new direction? As a writer rejection is part of my profession and part of the process of continually improving my craft and becoming a better writer. Life is full of rejection on many levels I’m learning to be comfortable with my imperfections and to honor and respect the lessons and gifts they send me. I am okay with life’s U-turns and detours because I have no choice but to learn to bob and weave in order to remain standing and true to me.

Could we just strive for doing our very best instead of perfection because once we’ve done our very best what else can we do? – really nothing – Please believe – I know that – what is “your best” on Sunday might be totally different from “your best” on Monday and that is okay.

And by doing your best it allows you to stop the self-judgments – self-criticism – and self-doubt. Don Ruiz says, when you do your best under any circumstance, you will avoid self-abuse, self-judgment, and regret.

“To be broken is no reason to see all things as broken.” Mark Nepo

Perfection just like multi-tasking is over-rated and becomes an ET (energy thug) that keeps you out of balance and in search of something that simply does not exist. Rejection is under-rated and becomes the ET that keeps you frozen in fear and to always play it small and safe – to not step outside of your comfort zone. I’m learning that just one step outside my comfort zone is expansive personal growth and that rejection and its fear kept me constantly reaching and searching for more.

Okay so here are the three main things I realized and recognized about rejection:

1. Fear of rejection leads to a need for perfection –
How does fear of rejection show up in your life: being a full-time people pleaser – full-time rescuer – habitually taking care of yourSelf last –

2. Self-rejection is the hardest to recognize and to recover from – 

How does self-rejection show up in your life: distorted body image – emotional eating — inability to release unhealthy limiting beliefs learned during childhood –

3. Rejection can begin in the womb—
How does womb rejection show up in our life: fear of abandonment – addictive personality – being a leaky bucket (meaning no matter how much love, attention, or stuff you are given – it leaks out of you)

  •  A great example of a leaky bucket is the man (from OWN Network’s- “Iyanla Fix My Life”) who has 34 children by 17 different women and wakes up feeling empty every morning.

Dig deeper into what you can receive in the womb by checking out pages 30 and 59 in my book—
Wombology: healing the primordial memories and wounds your grandmother’s daughter gave to you– available at Amazon.com and other book sources.

A quiet pause and questions to help you continue to move forward: please respond to the questions on this post to help others on a similar journey:

• Are you tired of limping into your day instead of leaping into it with awe and curiosity?
• Are you ready to release the fear of rejection?
• What is your pay-off for you to stay small?

Come back soon for another cup of comfort!

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Posted by: C J | August 22, 2014

Soul-lutions™ The Key to Handling…

Life’s pop-ups or challenges!

 

Soul-lutions™ the key…

 

In a previous post we explored the 5-C’s and my intent was to bring your awareness to the difference between challenges and suffering. Judging from the responses I received that difference resonated with many of you. Thanks for letting me know your story and your challenges.

Today let’s explore a process that can help you handle many of your anxiety ridden pop-ups or challenges. When a new unexpected challenge pops-up just like those annoying pop-ups on your computer screen – I don’t know about you  but I try to find the quickest way to get rid of them and once that is done I forget about the pop-up—until it pops-up again.

In September of 2013 during a spiritual staff meeting (SSM) Spirit gave me this word soul-lutions™ along with the 5-step process to use the word as solutions to situations. For those of you who are unaware or you haven’t heard me mention my spiritual staff meeting that’s what I call many of my meditation sessions. I have a spiritual dream team who come into my awareness as I meditate or go into that zone when I’m creating.  Anywaaay- let’s get to the reason for soul-lutions.

Soul-lutions™ are about emotions, trust, blessings, and gratitude.

Emotions rock and rule our world. This 5-step process helps you engage, expose, and explore your emotions around a certain situation or moment you are experiencing.  Please believe, you will ride the emotional roller coaster and when the ride is over you will have more clarity and courage as well as feel a sense of cleansing of the M-B-S (mind-body-spirit).

This concept is for those times when you feel broken open, exposed when you wished you weren’t, and afraid of what’s to come. I believe when you are the most afraid is when you need to trust the most. I’ve learned that it does not matter what breaks you open it will give you a gift of being opened to more self-awareness and the ability to listen more with your heart and just knowing there is an unwrapped gift within each challenge is most profound and everlasting.

“To be broken is no reason to see all things as broken.” Mark Nepo
 

In The Bible (1 Thessalonians 5:18) it says, “In everything give thanks…” BUT- that doesn’t mean you have to be happy about everything it means just be grateful for the thing/ moment. And I’ve learned to surrender to the moment by giving the moment or situation a blessing too.

My intent is to give you a blueprint so you can shift the emotional attitude, vibration, and energy around usually a negative situation. This a blueprint that offers you a higher understanding and a deeper soulful meaning of what is going on within you right NOW- not just what is happening to you. We are here on Earth to experience a stretching of our concept of who we are now and who we are meant to be. This is a chance for you to trust in Spirit– God–All that is.

“Beyond all our good intentions and hard work, not getting what we want and working with what we’re given can lead us to realize and inhabit a larger geography of being.” Mark Nepo

Here we go: find a nice quiet space where you can get grounded, centered, and focused – Allow a deep cleansing breath and dive in…

Soul-lutions™

 

  1. Be grateful for the situation –
  2. Bless the situation and everyone involved –
  3. Redirect the negative energy into positive energy around the whole situation –
  4. Release the reason for the situation –
  5. Be grateful for gifts, lessons, and opportunities earned and learned from the situation –

Here is an example of Soul-lutions™ in action – my situation involves 2 other people besides me and it is about someone I care for deeply who  betrayed me and it feels like abandonment and rejection. And now my ancient fears, tears, and deep-rooted anxieties around rejection are bubbling up-AGAIN!

  1. Be grateful and thank God for the situation – I am grateful that this situation allows both people to show me who they really are – because when people show me who they are – I need to believe them.
  2. Bless the situation and everyone involved – by blessing the situation I am releasing my need to control the situation and invoking the serenity prayer – by blessing myself and the other 2 people involved I’m releasing all of us from our previous perceptions of “us”
  3. Redirect the negative energy into positive energy – please believe I had to work through my emotions on this one – I was in denial and disbelief – I was crushed with pain – I was filled with righteous anger – I was saddened by the loss – I found acceptance of the situation – after finding acceptance I could empty myself of the negative images and perceptions that I had created to make room for positive energy to enter my field of perception. And I could BOL (breathe out loud) when I realized I don’t have to carry their heavy negative perceptions.
  4. Release the reason for the situation and the situation will be released – the reason boils down to perceptions – I wasn’t rejected or abandoned I was given freedom and lifted higher and I know that freedom often comes gift wrapped in pain – their perception of who I am at my core is their issue and no longer a concern of mine.
  5. Be grateful for the gifts, lessons, and opportunities learned and earned – so as I see it my gifts are more self-awareness and of emotional freedom from a one-sided relationship – my lesson pay better attention to the signs that people give you during a relationship about who they are – opportunity for me to share my story and help you through a similar situation. Namaste’

Two things I know for “sure” –

1. Once you’ve been awakened you cannot go back to sleep or play dumb because your soul will whisper reminders when you try to be what you are not –

2. This situation is part of your soul’s agenda and assignment in your soul’s evolution!

 

I hope this resonates with you enough for you to share your story or what bubbles up in the reply section below… 

 

Come back soon for another cup of comfort!

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Posted by: C J | August 13, 2014

21 outdoor seating inspirations just for you!

Hello All,

Summer is almost gone and if you haven’t taken the time to just relax here is a chance to see how I did just for a few minutes. I was having fun looking though Hometalk.com for seating ideas and thought I’d share them with you. Click on the link below so you can see my full collection and let me know which ones are your favorites.

You will find new ways to use tires, bathtubs, and tractor seats to name a few.

http://www.hometalk.com/b/2164623/sit-outside-for-a-while

I promise to be back on track in a few days with Soul-lutions™

Come sit with me!

Come sit with me!

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Posted by: C J | July 21, 2014

Life is full of challenges and struggles BUT…

           suffering is a choice – You have to opt in to suffering!

Suffering is a choice!

Suffering is a choice!

 

 

Wait- wait un-clench your teeth, exhale, and relax your shoulders! I hear you asking, “What the heck do you mean suffering is a choice?  Who in their right mind would choose to suffer?”

Let me s’plain by giving you my definition of suffering. Ready? Okay for me, suffering is enduring and re-experiencing something painful through your memory of the incident.  Suffering is when you stay in misery or get stuck in a holding pattern by reliving the pain over and over again.

I’m not talking about physical pain, abuse, or PTSD etc. I am talking about the insanity of reliving the same emotionally charged incident over and over in your mind and expecting a different result.

I am talking about holding onto negative images or memories of the past that still have enough of a charge to hurt only you. The negative energy that vibrates around the whole situation keeps you stuck with negative perceptions, thoughts, which becomes your energy thug.

In my book –‘Wombology: healing the primordial memories and wounds your grandmother’s daughter gave to you’, in chapter three, I discuss Caroline Myss, author and intuitive healer she coined the word “woundology” to describe how people identify with their wounds, their wound stories, and even build kindred relationships around those wounds instead of healing them. And that my friend is what I’m talking about when I state, “Suffering is a choice!”

 “We are shaped by our thoughts; we become what we think.” Buddha

Let me ask you a few questions: Are you holding on tightly with all your might to a hurtful memory because you’re right and “they” were wrong? Do you understand it is your choice to say in this stuck place of misery? Do you get that it’s your memory of the incident that is still hurting you not the incident?  Try this statement on for fit,  This is a part of my past- that helped make-up who I am BUT it is not all of who I am today.

Your past cannot be: re-arranged, changed, or forgotten — It can be accepted as; it was what it was (no judgment)

We all have difficulties and struggles it is a part of life in general- they help us grow and evolve into a more tolerant and empathetic being. If you’ve been through a rough and tough struggle you will recognize the battle in your friend when she is going through one. You can now reach out to her and share how you handled a similar situation- sometimes others can gain from our pain if we share our experience and are willing to be of service to the Universe.

I’ve had the honor and privilege to bear witness to many people”s transformation and growth and I have noticed that life will present us with what I call the 5-Cs around most situations.

It is how you handle, respond, or react to the 5-Cs that will express your deepest convictions, show the content of your character, and show your resilience.  How you handle the 5-Cs also showcases your personal transformation and spiritual growth over time. That is why if you’re one of my personal clients; journaling is a must. I have been journaling for over 40 years and have many- many journals to show for it… but that is a topic for another discussion.

Your true character shows up by the things you do when you think no one is watching.

The Five C-s are:

  1.        Contrast: the opposite of what you expected happens
  2.       Conflict: now what do I focus on what I expected to happen or what actually happened
  3.      Challenge: the unexpected is harder than you could imagine because it is unexpected
  4.      Choice: options to stick with status quo or choose a new view
  5.      Change: transformation opportunity -a chance to change

Please believe, I know that the 5-Cs can bring out the best in you or the worse in you – it all depends on your emotional state when you’re dealing with the mess of it all. Yet we cannot give up or give in as we move through the Cs. Thomas Edison tried 10 thousand times before he was successful with one project so maybe we could try at least one thousand times.

And I say we because I am guilty of starting a new project and not seeing it through or giving up half way through – so 10K is my new mantra. Now is the time to stop living in the past or reliving pain through your memory; it is only hurting you… the person or event that first hurt you has moved on long ago.

Find a safe space and a place to express and feel your feelings around a situation so that your emotions are no longer holding you hostage. Of course, I believe that journaling is a safe place.

Let me give you an example of using the 5-Cs:

Contrast = I expected my son to outlive me – he did not it’s been over 4 years since he moved to the other side – Conflict = Do I focus on his death and remain paralyzed with grief or do I focus on celebrating his 34 years of living – I celebrate his life as well as mourn his death – Challenge= Living life without his earthly essence is harder than anything imaginable – But- I still must live my life to its  fullest – Choice = Do I wallow in the truth and fact that life is unfair or do I embrace the belief that energy changes but does not die – I feel his energy around me often – Change = Do I recognize, respect, and honor that I have changed or stay in denial– I am more open and expanded SEM (spiritually, emotionally, and mentally) now than before

 “It’s been a long time coming but I know a change is gonna’ come…”     Sam Cooke

Emotional healing is a journey that begins within and it starts with just one step toward awareness so you can change the negative low vibration to a positive and higher vibration. Only you can make the choice to change from within. Please believe – no one says it’s easy or smooth but for me I had no choice but to continue to vibrate with more positive energy than negative so I wouldn’t lose my sanity.

I invite you to start to live without suffering by choice! Share with us in the reply section below what your first step will be or how you will allow your feelings to move through you instead of getting stuck. It’s time to release the self-inflicted suffering.

Next post I’ll share with you my proven 5-step Soul-lutions™ on how to handle situations with grace.

In the meantime here are 3 things to do to help you stop choosing to suffer.

  1.     Live for today in the present moment
  2.     Follow your heart and soul’s lead to release the past
  3.    Stay in your lane run your race

 

Come back soon for another cup of comfort!

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Posted by: C J | May 25, 2014

Transition — Ready or not here it comes…

 

Stop the watch of your power...

Get on your mark…

 

 

 

 

Are you ready for this?

 

 

 

 

I’ve been reading this book about how to build great relationships and how to end bad ones. One of the themes I really like in the book is about transitions – specifically how to move someone from your inner circle to your outer circle because a shift in the relationship has happened. The word transition for some reason resonated with my spirit.

When I first started writing this post my main thoughts were to discuss all the different transitions we go through in a day. For example: from being asleep to being awake — from being indoors to being outdoors — from being at work to going home or vice versa on all of them. Anyway you get my drift right…

But as I was writing I thought about what has happened recently in my life without warning there was a shift where I was dismissed (transitioned from a friend’s inner circle to their outer circle) swiftly and without warning. The door was slammed shut while my foot was still in the door (metaphorically).

“The relationships in your life will make the difference between happiness and misery.” Van Moody

Here’s a life lesson I learned about 15 years ago dealing with transitions, shifts, or changes whatever word works best for you: Knowing when to let change happen without resisting it — makes life easier. 

How I learned this valuable lesson — I lived in Pueblo, CO for 20 years and from 1994 through 1997, when I was in my mid-forties working as a clinical therapist on a chemical dependency unit at a local hospital – helping addicts recover from their addictions and helping them learn to let go of being stuck in their addiction muck.  At the end of each support group we would  recite the Serenity Prayer as we all held hands and shouted, “COME ON WISDOM”. Well it took me about 6 months to recognize that I needed to start to live that prayer so that I could be an effective change agent while working with this population who needed a lot from me – SEEMP (spiritually, energetically, emotionally, mentally, and physically).

So as I am thinking about this current transition– that life lesson came bubbling back up to remind me to stop resisting what needs to be changed in a current situation in my life. And as I look back I have to ask was I in a relationship or a situation?  Anyway here is the Serenity Prayer:

Lord grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change –  the  courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.

My intuition – my gut is telling me to allow this transition of being placed in the outer circle or not even in the circle – although part of me wants to hold on tightly to what was… I know that transition itself is not complicated; it is simple – just go with the flow and let life happen – because it is what it is. At this moment I cannot change the situation nor do I want to and by letting go without resisting allows me to get my immediate past out of my immediate future and make room for a new normal.

As a Self-care Coach on this Self-care journey; I have to save my energy, time, spirit, and love for those people who do appreciate me for who I am. Another life lesson I’ve learned along the way is: we teach people how to treat us by what we tolerate and today I have to embody that knowledge as wisdom because too often wisdom comes gift-wrapped in pain.

Wisdom often comes gift-wrapped in pain!

Oh yeah, the name of the book I was reading is ‘The People Factor’ by Pastor Van Moody. I will admit it is filled with Biblical references which might make it a difficult read for some – but trust me when I say it is full of information, knowledge, and wisdom.  And well worth the read if you’re dealing with any kind of relationship.

Here are some questions I want you to explore — please leave your reply below because you never know when your story about transitions might help someone else on the same journey.  Thanks.

  • Is there a relationship transition going on in your life?
  • Are you busy helping someone who the Universe has not assigned to you?
  • Are you currently in a situation and not a relationship?
  • Are you ready for a new normal?

 Come back soon for another cup of comfort!

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Posted by: C J | March 16, 2014

If you could be a game changer

 – would you?

Are you a game changer?

Are you a game changer?

What are you willing to do to make a change in your world?

Game changers usually aren’t thinking about changing the world when they do their one action or actions that they become known for. They simply want to make the world a better place for that day or they are simply trying to improve their world, or they are curious enough to try something no one else before them were willing to try.

March 6, 2014 Comfrey Jacobs became a one man blockade to prevent needless and senseless killing of wild bison in Yellowstone National Park. He took a buffalo stance because his soul would not allow the killing to continue without trying to stop it.

Have you seen the Mazda commercial with Dick Fosbury performing his back-first high jump for the first time? He was tired of hitting the bar, and not completing his high jump, so he took a big risk on one of sport’s biggest stages the 1968 Olympics. Now that is how the sport is jumped.

The late Steven Jobs took the risk of presenting to the public a smart phone that worked completely by our touch. Who knew: the iPhone would start a cell phone revolution? The selfie picture taking has made a lot of people narcissistic but that’s for another post…

One day on a bus Miss Rosa Parks was just too damned tired to give her seat up so she sat down and by doing that she stood up for and helped move the Civil Rights Movement forward.

“At this very moment, there are people only you can reach… and differences only you can make.”    Mike Dooley

So what am I willing to stand up for – what am I willing to be a game changer for? I am standing up for baby boomer women caregivers who think they don’t have the right, the time, or energy for self-care.

  1. When I read the above quote by Mike Dooley  it resonated with my soul’s agenda and assignment so here I go stepping out and up.
  2. What if I can help a few women feel less guilty about taking care of themselves? What if I can convince a lot of women that self-care is not an option?
  3. What if I am a game changer and start a feminine evolution that embraces “women it is okay to do you”?
  4. What if I can help caregivers stress-less and live more while caring for others?

Stay tuned and I’ll keep you updated on my Caregivers’ Self-care journey.

                              Your turn and you knew this was coming:

  • What are you willing to stand up for?
  • Are you willing to be a game changer?
  • What if by sharing your journey it lightens someone else’s’ load?

Help me help others by sharing your thoughts on being a game-changer in the reply box below.  Thanks!

                                  Come back soon for another cup of comfort!

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Posted by: C J | January 21, 2014

I Am me because….

Who am I?

Who am I?

  of my 7 generations of vibrant women!

            This post will be different from any others I’ve posted but it just feels right for me today.  

   A few weeks ago I celebrated Loudly and Proudly being on this Earth for 60 years and as I reflect back and ask mySelf ‘who am I’ —      what you  read below was my answer from Spirit.  We get such wonderful gifts from Spirit when we are awake and listening. And for that  I am truly   grateful!

  I hope my celebration of my 7- generations will inspire you to explore and celebrate your 7…

These are my    maternal roots. From top left to bottom Charity Noble is my Great-great grandmother’s name and this is not a real picture of her but a  picture of a woman in Africa that I met through a photographer. You can read the rest of her story in my book Wombology page 51.  Charity – Anna – Nellie – Geraldine – myself – my daughter Chakira – and a baby picture of my daughter representing the 7th generation.

How do I remember who I am 

  I am Charity Noble’s great-great granddaughter ~ She gave me the gift of Being free no matter who thinks they own me ~ She was a slave in the USA!

 I am Quincy Annie Noble Peppars’ great granddaughter ~ She gave me the gift of gratitude no matter what I’m going through ~ She was in the Oklahoma Land Rush!

I am Nellie Iona Peppars Burton’s granddaughter ~ She gave me the gift of resilience no matter what life hands me ~ She survived the death of 3 sons and one taken away from her when he was an infant.

I am Geraldine Bernice Burton Jenkins’ daughter ~ She gave me the gift of forgiveness not matter who rejects me ~ She was rejected because she was Nellie’s daughter, because she lived in the sticks, and because she was not who others wanted her to be!

I am Chakira Jonae Johnson’s mother ~ she gave me the gift of balance no matter what or who I am ~ She was born left-brained to a right-brained mother!

I will be Big Mama CeeJai grandmother to a soul not yet arrived on this plane and relationship not yet established!

I am CeeJai (CJ) Johnson and who am I ~ to not let their God-light shine from within me? I am honored and blessed to be all that I am and will BE – just me!

When I look in the mirror and see all of me, these ladies are part of who I see. 

When I am challenged to let my light shine, I drink from their cups and re-member my sacred self.

When I struggle with life,  their energy supports me.

When I think about my future, I lean on and I am proud of my her-story! 

Your turn to share: I would love for you to post some pictures or give me a link to your blog so I can see your 7-generations            

Prompts to get you started…

  • Who are you?
  • Where are your roots?
  • Who has influenced the feminine side of you?
  • I don’t know who I am but I do know who I am NOT…

                                      Come back soon for another cup of comfort!

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