Posted by: C J | January 18, 2015

I’m Sick of Saying Yes When All I Really Want…

is to say Hell No!

THE POWER OF NO

Ehmm... NO

Ehmm… NO

In today’s society many of us are on call or duty 24/7 – 365 days a year thanks to all our electronic devices that give constant and instant contact. This around-the-clock access is truly at a point of excess. There are too many people expecting too much of our time, energy, and space. Is it just me or does it seem that all of this constant contact for some reason makes people think their every desire or thought is an emergency that needs to be handled right now by you or me?

For example, have you noticed how texting is so much more intrusive than emailing ever was? For some people unlimited texting means I can text anyone at anytime day or night. Instant access has so many people out of control and narcissistic.

“If we say yes to all of them (demands) we will be buried.” Brendon Burchard

I’ve decided to focus on what is in my control and to do that; I will have to say NO more often. I am invoking the Serenity Prayer (again) – Lord grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. I am open, ready, and willing to be courageous enough to stand tall when I say “NO” at the appropriate times for the appropriate reasons. How about you?

I’m working on a new normal for 2015– so when I get those “special request” here’s my new answer – “My immediate answer is No but let me get back to you if a yes becomes possible.” The initial “No”- allows me time and space to breathe and think, because I can always change my mind if and when it becomes necessary. Saying no also allows me to create space for self-care by establishing and maintaining my balance, boundaries, and boldness.

“No is my default answer to request for my time.” Al Roker

It is okay for us to catch our breath before responding to unexpected or unwanted demands on our time and energy. Over the years as a psychotherapist, I have learned that making a statement; “I will not” closes the door on a discussion whereas saying, “I cannot” opens the door for discussion. For some crazy reason I don’t understand – when people here; “I can’t” – they want to prove to you why you can.  Try it right now – just say the two phrases out loud and pay attention to how each one feels and which one supports your personal power. “I will not” helps me be more effective and efficient with my time and energy. Whereas “I can’t” makes me want to justify why I can’t. 

Ohhh, have you noticed how ‘energy thugs’ try their best to make you feel guilty if you even think about saying no to their untimely unnecessary requests? I have noticed when people start a request with, “I hate to ask you again but could you…” wait for it – wait for it – the end of that sentence is going to cost you: time, money, energy, and or space. Respond cautiously.

“When you say “Yes” to others, make sure you are not saying “No” to yourself.” Paulo Coelho

3 Truths to help us fearlessly say NO:

1.  Helping others shouldn’t hurt me – if every time I help you I get injured I am not showing mySelf any respect or love.

 

2.  I don’t have to take care of everyone’s crisis all the time – if you continually are in crisis over the same thing time after time and I try to solve it each time – I’m not helping either one of us and I’m enabling you to stay in crisis mode.

 

3.  No – can be the appropriate answer to help others – learn accountability, efficacy, and autonomy- it really isn’t fair of me to not let you experience personal growth and a feeling of being able to take care of your own needs.

 

Come back soon for another cup of comfort!

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Responses

  1. This is true bi have gotten better about saying no, but I do need to improve on that. When people ask me to go places and I don’t feel like it, I’ve started saying no. I’ve stopped feeling guilty.

    • Paula if we keep saying yes when we need to say no – we invite distractions and even sickness.

      The older I get the less I give a whitttt for some people’s request… LOL

  2. I am also working on saying no more. This week I agreed to take on a task I really didn’t want to do. I thought about it and the next day I respectfully declined! No is indeed a complete sentence!

    • Chakira good for you it is not easy to say yes to yourSelf when you’re used to saying no but this is a New Year and a New Normal we choose to do!

  3. I HEAR YOU SIS!!!! THANKS I SO NEED THIS IN ME!!!! IT SEEMS ALL THE ABOVE APPLIES TO ME… THANKS FOR YOUR HELP… Simply BE and/or let it be ….


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