Posted by: C J | December 2, 2013

What If Being Broken Open is Where You …

              Get to defy the lie that says, once broken you become a token of who you were????

miracleworker

 

 On my last blog entry I shared with you what it means to me, to be in my before story and so many of you  understood and shared what my heartfelt words meant to you. Thank you for that I appreciate you; because it is    in the sharing of our stories that we help each other break through the challenges of life. It feels good to not be  alone.

 Since that entry the Universe keeps putting the word BROKEN in my eyes’ view. Since I am a field hand for the  Universe ~ of course I know and love its language of synchronicity, symbolism, and metaphors; I will heed the  call and share with you what has bubbled up, grabbed my attention, and what it means to me today.

“To be broken is no reason to see all things as broken.” Mark Nepo

That quote grabbed my attention as I was watching Oprah’s Super Soul Sunday and witnessed her reaction to those words, I said, “I surrender and I am listening. If those 12 words could bring Oprah to tears without hesitation… they must be the 12 disciples (words) trying to tell me something too.”  I know it sounds crazy but I promised to share what bubbled up.     

Sooo, just because some part of me has been broken ~~ don’t assume all of me is broken or that the whole world has become broken as well. I gotcha’!

“God does not relate to us like a paramedic who responds only to our conditions. God wants a relationship with us despite our brokenness.” T D Jakes

Sooo, just because I have a condition or in a situation ~~ don’t assume God wants me perfect before we can have an intimate relationship. HMMM – I am so much more than a condition or a situation. I gotcha’!

And then the book ‘Broken Open: How Difficult Times Can Help Us Grow’, by Elizabeth Lesser falls into my line of awareness. And Ms. Lesser’s words and stories are soul food for me that I have to consume slowly because if I read too much in one day I get dizzy with the OMG that’s me.

“Throughout this book I have described the process of transformation as a journey of brokenness leading to openness, descent to rebirth, fire to Phoenix.” Elizabeth Lesser

Sooo, just because I’m in the middle of a process of rebirth ~~ don’t assume my brokenness is not leading me to a higher ground or into a better expression of me. I gotcha’!

“Opportunities to find deeper powers within ourselves come when life seems most challenging.” Joseph Campbell

Sooo, just because life has gotten in the way of my living ~~ and I’m not where I want to be or expected to be ~~ don’t assume delayed means I’ve been denied. Sometimes we don’t recognize Opportunity because it is gift wrapped in pain. I gotcha’!

“Sometimes I’m broken into so many pieces  Humpty Dumpty laughs at me.”  Linda S. Colbert

Sooo, here’s what else I got; I am not Humpty Dumpty, which means when I’m broken open I can restore to wholeness – I can renew like the phoenix, and even in the midst of transformation I can use my brokenness alchemy tools to allow the shadow-self to experience the light of many colors.

Being broken open is not something anyone chooses at least that has been my experience in my 19 years of being a psychotherapist. And yet I have witnessed those who chose to stay broken and not transform for the better. I do know that pain, brokenness, and challenges are unavoidable BUT suffering is a choice ~~ to remain in the pain is a choice.

Even though life is terminal and no one escapes the death of our body, this journey through our brokenness is our fantastic voyage of alchemy our way of transforming ~ the invisible into the visible ~ to shine the light on the darken-ness ~ to change the ordinary into the extraordinary.

This is not just a call to alter our perceptions of life, to alter our dance to the rhythm of life, to alter our resistance to the ebb and flow of life; it is an altar call to answer our soul’s agenda with urgency because we signed that sacred contract saying we would.

This is what I know for sure; I am my soul’s expression of God!

Lord, play my soul’s harp – let it be music that soothes the soul’s of others – let it be a song of your love for us all… ~~~  Harping = soothing the soul ~ I hope I am harping for you and me today!

 

                   Come back soon for another cup of comfort!

 

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Posted by: C J | October 10, 2013

When life isn’t easy or fun most people want to run – but

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What’s your rose story?  

the best thing to do is allow the situation to help us grow!  

I am so sorry I haven’t been connecting with my Blog – been off the grid connecting more with the ebb and flow of life  has it cracks me open wider and reminds me I have more than one soul’s assignment.

I’ve decided the challenging  time I’m going through right now is my before story. You know like so many people who make it BIG — they always have a before story. Not to say that I’m striving to make it BIG – but I recognize that sometimes life gets in the way of living and we just have to bob and weave as best we know how – at least for now.

Carol Burnett the comedienne: her alcoholic parents gave her to her grandmother and she and her grandmother had to live in a boarding house (her before story) –  Tony Robbins the self-help guru: was a janitor for years (his before story) – Tyler Perry the entertainer …. was homeless and lived  in a car for two years (his before story) — you get my drift.

I am an avid gardener and the other day as I was pruning my roses Spirit showed me how roses have to put up with a lot of shiiiiit  in order to bud, blossom, and become fragrant. The thorns are their protection, they actually need both rain and sunshine and yes fertilizer (shiiiit) — before they become our gift  that we give as a beautiful expression of love . MMM-uh; even a beautiful rose has her before story.

“Some people are always grumbling because roses have thorns; I am thankful that thorns have roses.” Alphonse Karr

So I started looking at my challenges and situations as fertilizer, rain, & sunshine, helping me to grow into my beauty which will allow me to be a gift to others. And I’ll admit my thorns of protection can be bitchy!  Oh yeah, I don’t always enjoy being drenched with rain or burned by too much sunshine!

BUT — I now know that: situations, challenges, & celebrations; groom us – for the bloom in us!

 

Please reply below to the questions of the day:

How many of us are living our before story?

                                                                               How many of you want to share your before story to inspire us who are still living it?

Here’s a cyber hug {{♥}} touching you with love and light,  

 

 

                                                Come back soon for another cup of comfort!

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Posted by: C J | July 11, 2013

The Feminine Evolution is not…

the same as the feminine revolution. We want to be “the change” from the inside out.

every woman is a Super s-hero

Oxy-Woman…

“If the first woman God ever made was strong enough to turn the world upside down all alone, these women together ought to be able to turn it back, and get it right side up again…” Sojourner Truth

Did you notice the Shift that happened most of 2012? Part of that Shift was women recognizing our power and our responsibility to do our best to make this Planet a space and place of joy, health, and happiness for those under-represented, dishonored, and invisible. Many call it a Feminine Revolution. There has to be a soulful feminine evolution too. The feminine energy must expand our oneness so we can voice our choice.

I believe the shift to the Feminine Evolution of the soul includes the collective heart-beat and the collective energy that happens when oxytocin and oxygen are combined energetically, to create what I call oxy-power. This oxy-power locates and releases the fear of being too radiant, too magical, and too power-filled. This energy allows a woman to come home to self and birth Oxy-woman. This energy allows us to support – gather – touch – and dream as a team.

Oxytocin used to be called the ‘female hormone’ but recent research shows it does secrete in men as well as women. Of course, our body secretes more than men. Now it is considered the social-bonding, trust developing, and stress release hormone.

Guess what?  You know when we gather, share a hug, a handshake, a LOL moment, a pat on the back or eye contact we are sharing oxytocin and we continue to bond and nurture; it’s our nature.

Oxygen is simple: inhale and exhale for best results if you don’t you die. When you learn to BOL and allow deep cleansing breaths throughout your day life is lighter and brighter.

As women when we embrace the wisdom of combining oxytocin and oxygen energetically, honor our oneness, and celebrate our essence, we as a collective whole become unstoppable.

In general as women we have a tendency to use our body to ‘feel’ out a situation – our body speaks our mind, we use intuition to know what we know without knowing how we know.  So if you soften your body to receive this new energy shift of oxy-power you will also began to know the quantum ‘feel’ of oxy-wisdom, oxy-energy, and oxy-intuition.

“Oxytocin allows your body to feel nurtured and loved.” Ellie Drake (Brave Heart Women)

When you embrace your oxy-ness you will find your soul and body infused with enough energy to do your inner-work so that you will vibrate at a higher frequency and you can in-joy the unexplainable, the invisible, and the pure love of your inner-genius. You will develop this radical reverence for life and want to share your oxy-ness with others in need of support and nurturing.

My mission during this continued shift and while the evolution water is stirring is to invite you to step in the pool with me and the other women who want to share their Oxy-Power. My intent is to inspire, ignite, and awaken the energy of our feminine evolution. It is our time.

“We MUST support other women.  It’s not a should but a must.” Lanie Beth (Blogger)

Let me introduce you to my cartoon character (Oxy-woman); I designed her and  Thuyta a great artist on Fiverr completed her. What is an Oxy-Woman? She is balanced, centered, connected, focused, grounded, and dwells in a place of serenity. She is courageous enough to BE herself – 97% of the time she is all that – BUT – don’t get it twisted – please believe she has issues in her tissues too – and yet she is resilient! 

Each time you see Oxy-woman let her ignite a fire in you that no one can put out – a fire for you to BE your best, to share your best, and to have the best of life.

I really want to be the match that strikes the box and starts your fire and fan the flames. For those who don’t want to be a part of our fire – we will just smoke ‘em out! LOL

Lean on me, stand by me, or call on me… which ever ‘me’ you need – which ever ‘me’ I need –  we have to be there for each other borrow my energy – my faith – my purpose – my dream until yours comes into sight… It’s all about the oneness of us!

In the words of singer Alicia Keys, “This girl is on fi-yaaah!”

How about you…

  • What ignites your fire?
  • What makes you want to gather and support the feminine evolution?
  • How have you joined the shift?

Touching you…

Come back soon for another cup of comfort…

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Posted by: C J | May 17, 2013

Unless You’re SCANDAL’S Olivia Pope: the fixer don’t …

   try to put a smooth spin on your mess up!                                                                        

Olivia-Pope

You messed up -admit it!

 

When you mess up – fess up! Judy Smith the real woman who Olivia Pope’s character is based on says, “The truth is so important.”  Ms. Smith/ Olivia Pope are all about damage control or putting a positive spin on the truth but she at least starts with the truth and an apology. She is usually trying to save a career, the face of a franchise, or public relations; that is not what I want us to talk about today. Remember damage control is not the same as an apology!

I want to talk about when you offend someone whether on purpose or not – and that person lets you know that you crossed a line and hurt them. It is our responsibility to acknowledge our accountability in the situation. Remember their perception is their reality. For example, if you perceive that I have slighted you in some way – you believe it to be a truth.

It’s usually not the mistake that you made that festers at the wounded person but the fact that you have chosen to discount, dismiss, or ignore the mistake you made – the hurt you caused – the hole you dug.

When you are driving and veer into someone else’s’ lane don’t you immediately acknowledge the mistake with an apologetic hand-wave? Especially when the other driver’s horn lets you know what’s up. The same is true for giving a sincere heart-felt apology.

“Never ruin an apology with an excuse.” Benjamin Franklin

When I screw up or mess up and please believe I do – usually in a big way. (LOL) I wonder what I can do to mend this.  Any way – it doesn’t take me long to recognize that I hurt someone – or that I messed up – because it claws at my spirit until I make amends.  For example, the time I ran into a high school classmate in a retail store – I hadn’t seen her in about 10 years. I touched her stomach and asked her when the baby is due??? She said, “Oh Carol, I’m not pregnant, it’s all just me.” If I could have turned another shade of black I would have. Anyway the best I could do for that moment was to look her in the eyes and say, “Girl, please forgive my craziness” and gave her a big hug and changed the subject. I still feel embarrassed about that and it happened some 30 years ago.

When you step on someone’s toes you immediately say, “Excuse me or I’m sorry “– well the same is required if you step on someone’s emotional toes.  We all have the right to our feelings. There is no right or wrong way to feel – they’re your feelings. What you feel is simply ‘feedback’ for what is going on in your world.

There is no right or wrong way to feel but there is a right and wrong way to apologize. For example, just a few months ago a hip hop artist inappropriately used lyrics about a slain civil rights hero in his song… his stab at an apology was, “ I’m sorry if you misunderstood my meaning… yada yada.”  And then there is that tasteless online commercial Mountain Dew™ posted – a line-up of black men, a goat,  and an abused woman, for which they gave a weak apology.

“A sincere apology does not need a response, nor wants one. It is about you apologizing for your contribution to the situation – that’s it!” Lori Taylor @ Pickthebrain.com

Are you making these 3 Big mistakes when you apologize?

  1. Discount – the discounted apology has the word ‘but’ in it. For example: I am sorry that happened ‘but’ if you had not argued with me – it wouldn’t happened – or I regret what I’ve done but you know I wasn’t in my right mind. The words but and regret just discounted anything you said in front of them. And the person listen does feel heard or understood.

Do this instead: I am so sorry I hurt you – I apologize that I caused…

  1. Dismiss – the dismissed apology blames someone else – it is never your fault. For example: blaming alcohol.  “ I’m sorry but girl you know I was drunk when I said that.”  Well newsflash – a drunk person’s words are a sober person’s thoughts. Or – “You know I wouldn’t have said that if he wouldn’t made me.” Those aren’t apologies – that is how you dismiss someone’s feelings.

Do this instead:  I apologize for that stupid act – I was wrong and I’m sorry about that.

  1. Ignore – the ignored apology is when you play like nothing happened or play it down making the person you offended feel like they are crazy.  For example: “You’re right I shouldn’t have said that.” Or if you say, “Okay –ok, I see what I did wrong and I regret it.” Those are not apologies – in the words of Sheldon Cooper from TV’s BIG BANG THEORY – “That’s not an apology you’re just restating the facts.”

Do this instead: My bad, I was wrong and you were right – Oops, sorry that won’t happen again.

Did you get that – when you use these 3 words (but, if, regret) it discounts – erases – and blames the injured??? In order for an apology to work it needs to be immediate and sincere. That’s it very simple; right! It takes courage and moxie to admit a mistake and own the responsibility of it.

One sincere act of courage can save a relationship – put on your big girl draws and just do it!

Come back soon for another cup of comfort!

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Posted by: C J | March 25, 2013

Listening with your heart is –

not the same as listening with your ears!

Listen with your heart

Listen with your heart

 To listen with the heart means you have the ability to listen deeply without the intention to : fix, save, or advise the  speaker. It means you just give her your undivided attention; this is a challenge for many. But it can lead to magical  or sacred moments between the people involved, whether it’s two people or a group of people.  This is not something  you can do while texting or over your favorite social media.

    To listen with your heart means: to listen without rehearsing what you want to say next – without waiting your turn to speak, without your defenses up – without your hero shield in place – without your judgements in place.

   Now don’t get it twisted when someone asks for your advice you can respond from the heart with your answer; don’t keep quiet. It also doesn’t mean you have to become the sounding board for everyone; you still keep up your boundaries. But I’m talking about when you are engaged in a rich or meaningful conversation with someone. Try to be there completely. Allow your compassion and empathy to open your heart’s ears.

“It is only with the HEART that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.” Antoine de Saint-Exupery

Your heart allows you to listen to the rhythm of people’s unclaimed, un-named, and unspoken needs, desires, and experiences.  How many times have you heard or read that we are spiritual beings having a human experience? It is so true and as spiritual beings we use more than our physical senses and body to experience others and the world. Part of the shift in 2012 was for many to recognize and re-member their spiritual senses, once and again. This recognition allows us to really connect and validate each other on a deeper level.

I’ve noticed that Namaste’ as a concept has become more main-stream, more socially accepted, and understood than it was 17 years ago when I discovered it. I’ve noticed a lot more people saying it out loud and participating in its meaning. For me Namaste’ means – the Divine in me recognizes and honors the Divine in you. It is a word that shows appreciation and gratitude for both yourSelf and the person you’re greeting. And it shows how much our energies intermingle without effort.

Each time you communicate with someone their energy impacts you and your energy impacts them. We get all intermingled or mangled depending on how we interact with each other. Yet another reason listening with the heart is so important.

Did you get that? Without effort we have an impact on others and vice versa!

“Your soul, your spirit, that invisible part of you, the part I can’t see has the greatest impact on me.” Dr. C J 

Everyone needs and wants validation, you want to: feel heard, feel understood, and feel that who you are matters! Validation is a gift we can give others because Karma really does exist.

According to Gary and Joy Lundberg authors of “I Don’t Have to Make Everything All Better”, there are Four Rules of Validation:

  1. Listen by giving your full attention
  2. Listen to the emotions being expressed
  3. Listen to the needs being expressed
  4. Understand by putting yourself in the other person’s shoes as best you can

For me those rules describe how to listen with your heart. Let me add; listen to understand and speak to be understood. If you can commit to these simple exchanges ~ awareness about life will show up differently for you.

Awareness is always the first step toward emotional freedom. Without awareness there is no growth. If you do not or cannot listen to the whispers of your own inner voice it will be difficult to listen with your heart.

 “Just like children, emotions heal when they are heard and validated.” 
Jill Bolte Taylor

Here’s one example of a sacred moment or listening with your heart:

 Saturday my husband and I were cleaning out the garage. Sounds exciting already right…   LOL – My husband has been a heavy equipment diesel mechanic since we got married 41 years ago. He decided to sell this HUMONGOUS three-foot tall – four foot wide tool box. I was helping him empty the tools out and clean it. Well, while he was going through the tools when he picked them up he had stories that fit the tool and some of the tools he had hand-crafted 38 years ago.

Now mind you this is the man after 41 years of marriage forgets I don’t like mashed potatoes or where we keep the meat loaf pan but he remembers his stories… LOL

Anyway as he was telling me his stories; I didn’t get half of what he was telling me because he was telling me how he used the tool or why he made the tool, but because I was listening with my heart, watching his body language, and facial expressions as his memories came flooding back to him; I was completely engaged– he had my undivided attention.

I mean how often do you see someone’s eyes sparkle when they talk about their work?  He was so animated as he sorted through his very own time capsule — I had to get my camera to capture the moment on film. I am a photographer at heart too.

By listening with my heart I was able to show him the gratitude I felt for his hands pulling wrenches all those years, giving us a great life. Judging by his reaction he felt loved and heard.  He even thanked me for listening and taking pictures of his tools. It may sound hokey but it was a magical moment for us that I savored and I’ll treasure.

We all need connections some days the Social Media, Face-time, and texting is not enough you need to see, touch, smell or be right in front of someone without technology to distract you. Don’t you feel most loved when you feel listened to? Don’t you feel loved when the person you are with gets “it” – whatever “it” is for the moment?

“Life is not made up of minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, or years, but of moments. You must experience each one before you can appreciate it.”   Sarah Ban Breathnach

Ask yourself these questions:

Leave your reply below someone might be listening with their heart to what you say…

  • Have I listened with my heart today?
  • Did anyone I talked with feel validated by my actions?
  • Did I allow Namaste’ show up in my life today?

 Come back soon for another cup of comfort!

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Posted by: C J | January 28, 2013

Are you TIRED of others discounting…

Your experiences, truth, and point of view?

Tired of being discounted?

Tired of being discounted?

 

I was just talking with my niece Latisha, last night and we were talking about know-it-all people who refuse to            hear what you have to say. And that we like to prove our point of view but also have learned to choose our battles. Don’t get it twisted we can talk shit with the best and the worst but decided to save our time and energy for better things.

That being said, how many times have you been in a conversation with someone who is so arrogant and dismissive they tell you, “OMG, you are so wrong and crazy for believing that.” So they think it is their way or no way?

So this is our tactic when put in that situation again: look the person straight in the eye and say, “I’m not asking for your validation. I don’t need your approval. I’m not trying to convert you to my truth. I’m not asking you to prove your stance. I am just sharing my experience, my truth, my point of view. Now what I would appreciate is for you to simply allow me to be me.

It would be great if you could say, “I see you, I hear you, and I feel you.”  

I don’t have to have scientific evidence for what I feel. I don’t want your interrogations, crossed arms, or eye rolls.  The Universe is filled with the unexplained and all I ask of you is to stay open to other possibilities. I know for some people being open-minded can feel risky. Embrace change? Oh hell no!

It takes courage to be open to new ideas to see life differently and to honor new opportunities, or new possibilities. Courage allows all of us to release what is no longer useful or meaningful in our life.

I realize at this very moment, that I am so much more than I’ve ever shown you and so much more than you are willing to see in me. Hmmm, I will not flinch when I tell someone,~~ I am who I am and I will let my light shine and not blind.

It’s Your Turn:

v  I’ve said this many times before, we teach people how to treat us by what we tolerate.

v  What are you teaching or tolerating that is no longer a truth for you?

v  What did you stop teaching or tolerating recently from others?

Come back soon for another cup of comfort!

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Posted by: C J | December 3, 2012

Are you taking care of those things…………

Take care of ….

that take care of you?

Scrape—scrape, squeak—squeak, push and pull nothing helps, this stupid vacuum sweeper; is just not picking up anything. Ugggh– this thing is powerless, it’s not even picking up dust. I tried different angles, I pressed lighter and pressed harder, finally out of total frustration, I took it outside to look inside. I took the filters out and they were already so full of my “stuff” they just could not take in any more. Aha! How could I expect it to pick up more when I had not emptied it or cleaned it for months? This Aha moment sent me on a hunt.  Where else in my home am I ignoring the things that take care of me? I walked from room to room taking inventory of things that take care of me, that I have not been returning the favor.

Oops! How could I expect my water dispenser to give me healthy filtered water if I don’t keep the filter clean and change it as needed? How could I enjoy that great fresh brewed flavor-filled cup of coffee ~ if I don’t clean the coffee maker regularly? How could I expect my computer’s CPU to work and keep me in touch with the outside world via the Internet if I don’t keep it clean and pristine?  You get my drift!

Now after taking inventory of the good things that take care of me and my home, I turned that question internally and asked where else in my life am I not taking care of the people, places, and things that are already taking care of me? HMMM. How often do I show a friend or beloved one just how much I appreciate that they are a part of my life? And the other question became, where am I taking care of people who see my kindness as a weakness and who couldn’t care less about me?  I got the message loud and clear. In all of life choose those people, places, and things that will support you. I’m not advocating that you keep score but I am saying pay attention and spend your time and energy wisely.

Questions just for the heck of it: Post your response below.

  • Who supports you the most?
  • Who do you support the most?
  • Who are you supporting that does not support you?
  • What do you do when you become aware of someone who does not have your best interest at heart?

Come back soon for another cup of comfort!

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Posted by: C J | October 17, 2012

Are you a work in progress or …

You in process

                A work in process

 

Ever wonder what the hell was that all about? What was my lesson in the midst of that chaos? What was I thinking? Your answer is it was a process.

Everything in life that I can think about – everything that I can imagine – everything I can sense, goes through a process, including time spent in the womb. But once you leave the womb there is no process that allows you to go back – an acorn becomes a huge oak tree but that tree cannot return to become that acorn again – you simply have to grow on until earth to earth and dust to dust happens.

Process= A continuing development involving many changes; the course of being done…   Progress= movement forward as in toward a goal – steady improvement. There is a difference. Today let’s talk about the process.

All of life is a PROCESS going through many changes. Death is part of the process of living. Dying is a course itself that we all will take. You shut the front door and exit out the back door.

 “As a well-spent day brings happy sleep, so a life well spent brings happy death.” Leonardo da Vinci 

Death can be of a relationship, a reason, or a season. It is not always about a body leaving this earth. But it is always about being in a process. Sometimes good bye is a second chance. There are means of getting to the good bye; steps we must take.

Some processes are intricate some are simple.  We are all on a journey which I call life’s ‘sacred process’. There will be a start, middle, and end. Where are you in this sacred journey? If you’re reading this post you are probably in the middle of life’s course on living. Some of us may be closer to the end of life; we most often don’t know.  What I do know is that all of life is a miracle!

“There are two ways to live: you can live as if nothing is a miracle; you can live as if everything is a miracle.” Albert Einstein

Each step in the development is crucial and leads to the next step. At age 58 I’m in the process of finding my way back to the joy of being me – putting on my favorite color of lipstick – working out – buying cute sassy shoes.  Step by step back to the wild bodacious me. I’ve decided self-first is not the same as selfish, again.

“I never stop to plan. I take things step by step.” Mary McLeod Bethune

What if this journey is a life-class field trip?  We need the bus, the driver, teachers, chaperones, sponsors, fellow passengers, and we need a destination; you get my drift. We are not alone and cannot live life as if we are alone. No matter where on earth you are ~ we are all on the same field trip – Rub-a-dub-dub we’re all in the same tub – life’s sacred process.

“How far you go in life depends on your being tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving and tolerant of the weak and strong. Because someday in your life you will have been all of these.” George Washington Carver


I’ve noticed a global shift in many areas and one is that of moving away from religion to spirituality. And to accepting that there is more to life than just what our five senses tell us. This was a process a long time in progressing. Many people are moving away from the Biblical law to living in grace. It has become a collective “AHA” moment ~~ we are all interconnected, we all see the same moon, stars, and sun. Before the shift only a few brilliant minds understood and would acknowledge that the Universe is many dimensions of the One.

Remember the questions at the start of this post? Let me finish that answer. If your heart’s desire and your thoughts (mind) are incongruent or out of alignment with each other, you are often confused, conflicted, and uncomfortable with where you are in a situation (process). Once you can align the mind, the heart, and behavior you will experience harmony that is filled with peace and serenity.

We have to learn to let life flow through us and allow the process…

They say time changes everything but in reality…. there is a process to everything including change!

Take out a sheet of paper and a gel pen and answer the following questions or you could reply below and help someone else with your answers or your story.

These questions are designed to help you answer the main question: where am I~~ in life’s sacred process

  • Am I in search of information, knowledge or wisdom?
  • Am I just gathering information and not applying it to my life?
  • Am I disengaged in my life?
  • Is it true that how I spend my days is how I spend my life?
  • Am I lost in the course of doing instead of being?

     Come back soon for another cup of comfort~~~

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Posted by: C J | September 3, 2012

This Labor Day Stop Laboring Over OPP and…

Today – stop going & going…

  Instead of fixing or fixating on OPP other people’s problems) DO YOU!        

 In the midst of taking care of everyone else’s needs we often forget about ‘ME’. The best gift you can give your family is the best you. The only way to give that best- you-gift is to put yourself on your To-do-List and DO YOU!

 Just for today — for a change allow someone to take care of you or better yet take care of yourself if you can. My Aunt Betty says, “Do for yourself as long as you can, because there may come a time when you cannot.”

 Listen, when I was a little girl I spent a lot of time on my Great Aunt Vea’s farm and she did not let you sit still unless you were eating or getting ready for bed. She always had you up and moving or she would say, “Idle hands are the devil’s workshop and we ain’t working for the devil in this house.”  I always wanted to say, can my butt be still while my hands are busy – BUT – I knew better than to sass my elders. So I have this tendency to always be busy, one of my many nicknames is The Energizer Bunny.

Well for this Labor Day I am not going to keep going and going. I am not going to labor over anything I choose not to – so there.  I’m going to DO ME!  Hey why don’t you join me and Do You…

There will be times when we will not do exactly what ‘they’ want us to do and when ‘they’ want us to do it and that makes them uncomfortable.  Is it time for us to learn to be comfortable with other people’s discomfort in us?  

 DO YOU!   Oh yeah, I’m giving you written and legal permission to do NOTHING – at least for this day.

Nine ways to DO YOU:

  1. Relax – it is your day – let someone else – do it
  2. Breathe – inhale – exhale stop holding your breath it is okay if you breathe deeply
  3. Sleep – there are days when your body screams for extra ZZZzzz
  4. Soothe – the soles of your feet or your soul which ever needs it the most
  5. Nature – take time to enjoy something in nature with all 5 senses like a tomato – apple –  peach etc. just sit on the front porch or a park bench and experience nature really with all of you
  6. Nurture – – grab that soul nourishing book you’ve been meaning to read and get lost in its pages
  7. Be  – brew a pot of relaxation call a friend and have a good heart to heart while sipping on your favorite calmness brew
  8. Giggle – I have a giggle box which includes all the things I need to color in my favorite coloring books – of course I have lots of bubble gum to chew as I scribble
  9. Wiggle – dance as if no one is watching or as if you don’t care if anyone is watching

Please reply below and share with me ideas you have when you – DO YOU – who knows you just might help someone else!           

                                       Come back soon for another cup of comfort!

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Posted by: C J | August 10, 2012

Is the Power of Guilt RuiningYour Life???

The verdict is in

   Today, (8. 10. 12) on Iyanla Vanzant’s FaceBook wall she posted that guilt is a wasted emotion. I first heard her discuss this on Oprah’s Life Class on Sunday, July 29th, where the topic was guilt. Oprah and Iyanla both agree that guilt is a wasted emotion. Well, I disagree with their current belief. I believe guilt is an unwrapped gift filled with opportunities, lessons, and guidelines. Guilt can help you live up to your principles. Guilt is only wasted if you wallow in it and allow it to keep you stuck in an unhealthy state.

Here is a page from my personal journal. 7. 30. 12 pm

Last night on LIFE CLASS – Oprah and Iyanla both said that guilt is a wasted emotion. I disagree – guilt expresses our conscience – our knowledge of right and wrong – It can be a red flashing light – a warning – a wakeup call – an opportunity to seek a do-over or U-turn in life.

The power of guilt allows me to take a look at who I am, where I’ve been, and where I’m going. It allows me to be accountable to walk in my truth and integrity. (end of entry)

 
The fact is guilt is can be a wasted emotion and the truth is there is power in that emotion if it is allowed to play out. As I use Iyanla’s fact vs. truth…  Guilt reminds us to do better next time or don’t do that again, and shows I have a meter (conscience).

What is guilt? What is guilty? For me — guilt is an internal admission of doing something that doesn’t match with your beliefs or training; it is a remorseful awareness of having done or said something wrong/ inappropriate. You confess your guilt, whereas guilty has a more external judgment or connotation; someone else has pronounced a verdict of guilty on to you or they agree with your admission of guilt. Think of Judge Judy and all her guilty verdicts and her attitude when she hands down her decision.

“Guilt is not a response to anger; it is a response to one’s own actions or lack of action. If it leads to change then it can be useful, since it is then no longer guilt but the beginning of knowledge. Yet all too often, guilt is just another name for impotence, for defensiveness destructive of communication; it becomes a device to protect ignorance and the continuation of things the way they are, the ultimate protection for changelessness.”
― Audre Lorde

I will admit that guilt is a useful tool for those who don’t want to deal with the deeper meaning of an experience or event that caused their remorse. Have you been around the person that seems to get something out of discussing her tear-laden guilt? Her intent is usually so that those who hear her often come back with – ‘it’s okay, don’t worry about it, we all make mistakes” – which gives her absolution again and she feels better for the moment.   “Whew, my tears worked again to get me off the hook”.   In reality she is hiding what’s at the bottom of the iceberg of guilt and resisting what could be her deliverance.

The guilt some people experience can be an iceberg that hides the deeper feelings of: resentment, anger, selfishness, fear, shame, and self- loathing. WE all have made mistakes and have felt that guilt – but to not to get stuck in the muck of it all is the key to moving on. As long as you don’t allow guilt to be like smoke in the eyes and keep you blinded and confused you can use it as a tool to do and be better…

“When he says we’re forgiven, let’s unload the guilt. When he says we’re valuable, let’s believe him. . . . When he says we’re provided for, let’s stop worrying. God’s efforts are strongest when our efforts are useless.” Max Lucado

Tell me your story: When have you felt so guilty it stifles you?

  • What are you fighting for by hanging on to your guilt?
  • Is there a reality or an illusion that got twisted somewhere along the way?
  • Does it help you with remorse?
  • Does it feel better with it than it does without it?
  • Is its hold on you still useful to you? Make your amends if possible and let the Universe handle the rest.

Let’s pretend that I have a magic wand that lets you off the hook for your guilt-violations. — Would you be willing to use it? —  Would you be willing to let go of your guilt? —  If yes – here you go — allow a deep cleansing breath in and out AHHH— now just open the door and let it go. Allow fresh energy to flow through you, release the judgments, and say yes to the circle of life. You have served your time!

“When you know better you do better.” (M. Angelou)

  Please leave your reply or comment  below…

                    Come back soon for another cup of comfort!

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