We have many opportunities to find soul companions.

  As a therapist with battered women years ago in response to the question why are you still with him? I heard more times than I want to count, “But he is my soul-mate, we can’t live without each other.”  My firm answer was if he is your soul-mate you will meet him again in another life time but for this one, what if you could get healthier? The other part of that conversation is soul-mates do not purposely put dings in your spirit, leave bruises on your body, or put you in the hospital.

I have also helped men and women in non-abusive relationships who thought that they were with their soul-mate and needed to make this special relationship work. “He is the only one that I cannot walk away from completely; I cannot seem to break the tie that binds us.” Here too you or your soul-mate may have unwrapped spiritual gifts for each other and be crossing paths to help each other with personal evolution but after you have exchanged gifts,  acknowledged, and received them, it is time to move on. Why would you stay if neither one of you are happy?

Remember your first love? You can only have one first love. But how many people marry and stay happily married to their first love? Not very many. Is it possible to keep a special place in your heart or memory for this first love ? Will you  figure out how to let him/her go?

Allowing each other to move on and not stifle, smother, or stunt personal evolution is a must. There are signs and steps to recognize when it is time to release the fantasy of a soul-mate, if the relationship is unhealthy. Have you seen them?

No, you are not a hideous red-eyed monster, if you decide it is time to move on for your SEEMP (spiritual, emotional, energetic, mental, and physical) sanity especially when your mate is still stuck in the mud of fear, distrust, and abandonment. I’ll tell you why, you are not a hideous red-eyed monster — if you had what it takes to heal, fix, or help your wounded mate you would have done so already!  Have you tried to buy her emotional health, have you tried to win him, with kindness, and have you tried, tried, and tried??? But he/she is a leaky bucket and whatever you put in drips out, so get out…

Reality Check:

1.       No matter what you do, she/he wants more…

2.       He cannot or will not show you your due respect.

3.       Constant pain indicates time for a change (yours or theirs).

4.       You give her the world and she looks at you like… is that all you got???

5.       You put yourSelf on the shelf and now he even wants that shelf.

Moving forward:

1.       Accept that it is, what it is.

2.       Give each other the gift of personal growth/freedom.

3.       Loving yourSelf first is not the same as being selfish.

4.       Cut those emotional ties/threads/cords and follow your path.

5.       If you have become a butterfly stop acting like a caterpillar.

Please tell me about your experience with a soul-mate. 

Come back for another cup of comfort and we’ll keep talking…

Posted by: C J | January 14, 2012

Welcome to my front porch

Let’s sip some warm brewed lemonade and talk about life as it is…  Your rocking chair is just waiting for you.  

What do you want to talk about?

Posted by: C J | January 14, 2012

What if we focus on today instead of tomorrow?

New Year – New You! Ignite your passions follow your dreams.  Yada Yada Yada!

What if it is time to change the status and the quo?  Can we simply just let go? Nope. We have to change our mind and our habits.  What we need to do to make change is very simple. Implementing that action continuously and long enough to become a new habit is easier said than done. You can do it.

Change involves the process of willingly following five (5) steps:

 1. Acknowledge your current situation.

2. Decide what you want to change.

3. Specify what you need to do to allow the change.

4. Do what it takes for the change.

5. Recognize and claim your change.

The space between the past and the future, is this place we call now. The subconscious lives on a parallel plane with no concept of time: past, present, or future it just does its best to support the status quo.

Right now activate the five steps above so you can allow this change to become wonderful positive habits. Whatever habits you choose to pursue, now!

Posted by: C J | October 22, 2011

OUCH, THAT FREAKIN’ HURTS…

Pain is almost always the messenger telling us something needs to change — too often we try to kill the messenger with medication, drugs, or distractions — instead of just listening to its message…  Until you make the change pain finds a way to remain.

You know if there is one universal experience, pain is it. No one is exempt.

Challenge: understanding pain’s message: spiritually, emotionally, mentally, and physically!  *(SEMP)

Solution: intuitive sensing and listening to pain’s message, letting the message come  in to your realm of awareness. Anything outside of your awareness is outside of your control.  If it is outside of your control how you can change it?

“Pain doesn’t play games, and neither should you.” Karla McLaren author of Your Aura & Chakras

*P: Pain carries information to the brain, the mind does its thing to make the pain better or worse.  What we think, what we believe, and our emotions may have a tremendous impact on how much pain we feel from the physical sensation. Your perspective is your reality.

For example, if you shift your focus off of your pain it tends to hurt less but if you focus on how much it hurts it seems to hurt even more.  Pain can be magnified by your thoughts and its message is not always easy to understand even when you hear or feel  it loud and clear! We can be obedient to the feel of pain and still miss its main message.

 Remember those movies where the firefighter is encouraging someone to run through the open door to safety (even though there are flames around it)? Sometimes we have to run through the fire in order to not, get burned up. Many people are so frozen with fear that the firefighter has to go in and get them and bring them to safety. Pain can be exactly like that, the pain seems too great to bear so we get stuck in it and consumed by it.

Painful experiences need to be remembered as well as joyous ones. The memories of either can help you make clear choices and shine light on darkness. Pain is as valuable as joy – each is a part of the same coin; the head (pain) and the tail (joy). Pain allows us to appreciate the treasures and pleasures of our life. We need both sunshine and rain.

Balance: when pain is in control joy waits its turn and when joy is in control pain waits its turn. Let the painful experiences be teaching tools. If I asked you to come up with a joy-filled memory and a pain-filled one, nine chances out of ten you will think of a pain-filled one first. You don’t have to dwell on the pain but remembering it as a teacher can help bring clarity to future choices and release you from past voices and choices.

Pain can become a habit, we often train our mind and body how to respond currently to a past pain. For example, both my knees were injured in a car wreck and four years later I still expected the same pain. I trained my body and mind to expect the same level of pain even though in reality, it had changed.  My body acted as if there is knee pain and my mind did its duty by supplying mental pain to match the phsyical pain.  As pain settles in the body but we forget that we are more than our pain and we are more than our body. Living in your body is not always easy but it is necessary.

It is too difficult to heal your body when you’re not completely in it.

Remember when you got an ouchy as a kid and your mom would kiss it and make it better? Well today you have to mother yourself.  I truly believe that the best gift you can give to your loved ones and others is the best you – SEMP! Certified Master hypnotist, spiritual advisor, and my friend,  Randee Scheinin says, “Self-first is not the same as selfish.”

That ouch can manifest spiritually, emotionally, mentally,and physically. Some days without trying we allow the pain to take over our realm of awareness and other days without trying we don’t allow the pain to even come in, because our focus is on something else.

Caroline Myss author of many best sellers and international lecturer in the field of energy medicine and human consciousness says, “Pain is a touchstone of spiritual progress.”

*S: When we are in spiritual pain we often feel scattered, flighty, off centered,  and isolated.  We feel like we are fighting an invisible force, nothing seems to go right. Spiritual warfare is very real. We can have a sense of not being within our own body as if we are viewing life from above or below eye level instead of being behind our own eyes.

As spiritual beings here on earth having a human experience –  we often forget that we are more spiritual than physical and that we are so much more than a being in a body. As a spiritual mid-wife I get the privilege and honor of helping others remember who they are on a spiritual level.

When we forget who we are eternally we grapple with questions like: what is my purpose here, why am I going through this, what is the true meaning of life, or vision what the bleep is that????

*E: Emotions definitely influence how we perceive pain whether physical or emotional.  Emotions are chemicals that travel throughout the body communicating their message. Some of those emotions get stuck in different parts of the body like a rest stop until we release the pain. Have you ever noticed when your heart aches so does your body and vice versa?  

Our emotional issues often defeat us more than our physical tissues. Your internal state premeates your whole state. Ever wonder what is harder to heal  internal or external pain? I know that you cannot heal what you cannot feel.

*M: Mental pain – there are many forms of mental pain; today let’s talk about  cognitive dissonance. It can be quite painful and difficult to resolve. Cognitive dissonance is when a person has conflicting thoughts about one event, place, person, or thing. When the cognition causes extreme discomfort something will be done to ease that discomfort.

 For example, an addict believes with all her heart that her drug addiction is self-destructive but she continues to consume her drug of choice.  To ease that conflict and discomfort she begins with ration-lies (rationalize) why she must continue on this destructive path.

Finding the energy to move beyond the pain is not always easy but is always necessary.

 “We suffer our pain as often as is necessary for us to learn how to break and how to heal.”MarkNepo poet, philosopher, and author

In order to live— to thrive and not merely survive, we have to allow our pain to become our teacher, our turning point, but not our master. What we go through becomes what we grow through, yes pain and all!

routineHow does a person become the best at what he or she does? Practice, Practice, Practice. NFL teams never make it to the Superbowl without each player participating in practice. NBA teams never make it to the finals without each player taking a part of practice. Dancers never win on the TV show Dancing with the Stars without practice being a part of their daily routine.

Habit, practice, routine, call it whatever you want, but  in order to live your best life ever, we must routinely have healthy, productive, effective habits that we practice daily.

“The secret of your future is hidden in your daily routine.” Mike Murdock

Do  you have more than four things to do while going about your daily paradox? If you  answered yes then you must include a routine in order to get everything done consistently.  80/20 rules.

I have over a dozen things I choose to do in a day. For example, prayer, meditation, affirmation, energy alignment, also reading and writing to name a few. The only way I can consistently get them done is to have a daily routine. I admit I usually only get to 80% of them every day but 80% of the week I’m on it. This allows me to feel energized, centered, serene, and available to others who may need me. The twelve or more things I choose to do helps me stay healthy SEMP. I called them my SEMP’LE (spiritual, emotional, mental, physical’ living essentials) way of being.

“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.” Aristotle

Do you find yourself feeling scattered, unnerved, overwhelmed, and out of control more than once in a day or three or four times during a week? When you peek out from under your covers and your toes have not touched the floor yet, does the world seem daunting? Does your mind and body ask, must we do this again?

How routine is your daily life? How routine is your morning? How routine i your evening? For many people the word routine has a negative conotation but today we are discussing how we can improve our daily round/routine as a way to expand our spiritual self and claim more emotional freedom.

For us the word routine actually means a repeated course of action done in a specific time frame. In almost any instructions on how to make a change will advise, suggest, or direct the new change has to become a part of a set routine.

Do you remember when you were trying to learn your ABC’s, i before e except after c, or multiplication table? Repetion works. If we want to change or incoprorate something new into our life so that we can live our best ever life… if we want to go for excellence then we have to form habits that work for our highest good.

 Don’t even think about trying to be perfect; it prevents you from working your action plan it immoblizes your energy and spirit. Let go of perfectism and watch your energy soar!

Allen Iverson, a great NBA player didn’t believe that practice could make himself or his team mates better. But we know it takes repetion, practice, habit; whatever you want to call it to succeed. Let us agree to practice, practice, practice, because  that’s how we roll!

Seven steps to developing a routine:

 1.      Self-awareness – can only change what is in your realm of awareness

2.       Recognition of where you are right now – what do I want to change

3.       Set your intention/ goal- write it down and make it happen

4.       Visualize your intent using all five senses –  experience your intent on all    levels

5.       Develop a daily action plan- work it work it

6.       Work your daily action plan (daily)- follow through with what you say you will do

7.       Claim your intention through all five senses- own it with all of you

Leave your reply or be the first one to like this Blog on Face book and come back for another cup of comfort with your cup of coffee!!!

Posted by: C J | June 1, 2011

Stop, letting your past define you!

Journal and meditate on the following subjects that have come to define you – SEMP (spiritually, emotionally, mentally, & physically)!

Use your feelings to help you process your awakening to who you really are now.

  1. How do you fill your days? Feel your job for a moment and state, “I am more than my job.”
  2. How do you fill your nights? Feel your home for a moment and state, “I am more than where I live.”
  3. Who do you love? Feel them for a moment and state, “I am more than my relationships.”
  4. What wounds have you suffered? Feel your pain and state, “I am more than my history.”
  5. How do you answer when called? Feel your name and state, “I am more than my name.”
  6. When do you love your body? Feel your physicality and state, “I am so much more than my body.”
  7. How do you breathe? Inhale and exhale feel your breath and state, “Without pain, without history, without name, I am the spirit of this life living in this body and I deeply and completely love and accept myself. I am more than earthly stuff.

My spirit is too magical, too light, too loving to be  tied down, weighed down, or defined by my past!

There is always a cup of comfort to go with your cup of coffee!

Tell me what you think — let me know if this helps you — leave your reply…

Posted by: C J | May 21, 2011

Now is right now…

   There   are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is  a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.  Albert Einstein

Living in the now is how we acknowledge that everything is a miracle. Every day we are given the opportunity to be, see, or experience the veil being lifted off the illusion of our personal myths, beliefs, and untruths, that keep us stuck in self-imposed limitations and incarcerations. Our false assumptions, beliefs, and opinions lead us to view our world through the lens of the past instead of the present.

The space between the past and the future, is this place we call now. The subconscious lives on a parallel plane with no concept of time: past, present, or future it just does its best to maintain the status quo.

What you focus on, what you obsess about, what you keep in the forefront of your mind is what the Universe is continually sending you and what the subconscious is seeking because where the mind goes energy flows. Today, give your subconscious the directive that you will follow the 80/20 rule and allow your subconscious to live more in the now and not in the past or future.

 The distinction between the past, present and future is only a stubbornly persistent illusion.  Albert  Einstein

This illusion that Mr. Einstein is discussing can prevent you from pulling off any past or present limitations, self-made or put on you by others, knowingly or unknowingly.

If you live too deep into the past; regret, guilt, or resentment directs your path. If you live too far into the future; fear, anger, and anxiety directs your path.

A preoccupation with the future not only prevents us from seeing the present as it is but often prompts us to rearrange the past.  Eric Hoffer

I agree with Mr.Hoffer, however if you live in the now your attitude of gratitude can shine a light on your current love, success, and in-joyment. Today is filled with hope, help, and healing and you don’t have to find ways to rearrange the past in your mind’s eye.

Inhale: and acknowledge that living in the now knowing that this moment is all that you have – with the wisdom to use it wisely or experience it fully.

 Exhale: knowing that the next moment is not a given. For every inhale there is an exhale, for every action there is a reaction.

For every challenge or struggle there is opportunity to live the miracle of …

This magic moment belongs to you if you let go of the illusion of only children play. Living in the Now starts with directing and allowing your subconscious to live now and not in the past.

Memories can be wonderful learning tools or they can freeze our emotions in an instant.

Allow synchronicity to play and work in your life –be open to those little magical moments and whispers letting you know that now is the right time and it is okay to be you.

Act as if what you do with your daily life makes a difference (it does) and as if it is a paradoxical miracle (it is)!   If not Now when?    CJ

 

Come back soon for another cup of comfort!

 

You are not alone, it is difficult to stay on target when there are so many distractions all around you and within you. I know that life gets in the way of living and when that happens we have to continue to bring our focus back to our target of intent.

Intent – intention – intentionality: is all about our conscious choice to do an activity on purpose. It gives us something to focus on, something to shoot for, and a container for our heart’s desires.

I am a photographer so often when I hear the word focus I think about focusing my viewfinder on the picture I am trying to capture. To get it focused enough so that all the details I want to be are sharp and clear. That is exactly what you have to do when you declare an intent to make changes in your life.

  1. Get clear about what you ‘really’ want
  2. Write it down and make it happen
  3. Find an accountability partner
  4. Show your commitment to your intent daily
  5. Let it be known that you walk your talk
  6. Remember where the mind goes energy flows
  7. Point – focus – shoot

Check your viewfinder and see if you can answer the following questions:

What do you value enough to commit to accomplish no matter what?

What do you devote most of your time and energy to?

Can you hold  your intent long enough to hit your target?

                                                                                             

Reply to this post or email me with your intent. Let’s talk.

 

Come back often for a cup of comfort to go with your cup of coffee!                       

                                                                                                

 

               Last blog we discussed the seven steps to finding emotional freedom(EF). Today we will dig deeper into what is blinding your path to emotional freedom.  Are you tired of ‘how to’ steps? I know I am, but I also know that we can only take life’s path step by step.

Emotional freedom: simply means, the choice to forgive and release self and others from the pain that binds you.  You control your emotions instead of them controlling you. How does this happen? Self-awareness.

1.  Awareness: conscious, informed, and cognizant. Do you think  we can change anything without awareness  of what is? I do not, so this has to be our starting point.  

Self-awareness = consciously informed and cognizant of who you are spiritually, emotionally, mentally, and physically (SEMP) – your lens of understanding –likes and dislikes – craves and repulsions – wants and don’t wants; you get the idea.

I’m not going to make you take a quiz but there are a plethora of them on the internet to help you on this journey.

Important questions: 1. What is working for you?  2. Are you feeling well grounded and centered in the skin you are in? 3. Does anyone have their finger on your trigger points? Oops, I lied this is a quiz isn’t it? Are you living your life or one someone else has designed for you? To thine own self be true! Can you hear Shakespeare now? 

It is extremely difficult to become self-aware if you are not fully in your body. What does that mean? Symptoms: Have you spent a day injuring yourself time after time? First you cut yourself shaving in the shower, you stub your big toe as you rush to get dressed, then you hit your head on the door knob. That is your body grabbing your awareness through pain, ‘hey be aware of all of you and where you are in time and space!’

How often do you walk around in public without a thought to how you look and how others experience you? Until someone asks, “Are you okay today, you seem a little scattered?”

I love TLC’s series, “What Not To Wear”, it is about people, who dress inappropriately, some dress clownish, some get stuck in an era, and some just want to be invisible. These people are not fully in their own body. What other reason would they expose mind-body-spirit to such mistreatment?

If you saw someone at the mall talking on one of those huge 1980’s cell phones, you would laugh out loud and take a picture, on your tiny cell phone to post on Face book.  Am I right? If you recognize when others are unaware, why not you.

Five steps to move toward self-awareness :

  1. Open your eyes fully to better see your world– eyesight leads to insight
  2. Body scan — what is your body telling you
  3. Have a check list — today’s must do
  4. What colors are you attracted to —  colors intuitively speak to you
  5. Ask others how they experience you –using the  Johari window or questions below

                   Questions: to ask someone who is trustworthy about you:   What do you like about me the most? What do you dislike about me the most? What do you admire about me the most?

Self-compassion and self-acceptance are  essential steps to being in your body, which leads to self-awareness, which leads to emotional freedom.  If we teach people how to treat us by what we tolerate we have to tolerate all of us, because if you can handle the imperfections in you, then you can handle them when you witness them in others.

I said previously that I would go into the details of the seven steps,yet I have only covered one. I feel like we are sitting knee-to-knee on my front porch talking  and we got so into awareness that we lost track of time. I will revise my statement, we will get to all seven steps on this EF path as they flow. How is that for not committing to a specific time-frame?

Come back often for a cup of comfort with your cup of coffee!

Posted by: C J | February 27, 2011

How to find balance and emotional freedom, finally!

Fieldhand for the universe

 

 

 

 

You want more balance in your life? You want your yin and yang to play nice? You want emotional freedom? Yes, of course you do.

What the heck is emotional freedom (EF)? The ability to balance and control your emotional health by choosing to interact with life instead of react to it.  Your inner serenity, security, and personal power directs your day.

 Is this a hard to find space? To be honest, it takes patience, insight, and passion to go on this inner-healing journey.

What’s really in it for me? If you are willing to explore the obstacles and challenges of negativity that hit you spiritually, emotionally, mentally, and physically (SEMP) will transform and expand all of you.                                                                             

Check out the seven steps below to help you stop suppressing and repressing your emotions, so you can live and laugh out loud more often.

Some days balance equals:  50/50, other days it is 70/30, but most days it is 80/20.

When your yin is taking over and controlling your yang you feel scattered and out of sync.

Emotional freedom begins with the following seven steps:

 1. Awareness

2.  Intention

3. Now                                                                                                              

4. Routine

5. Self-investment

6. Self-definition

 7. Choices

I would love to hear from you, leave your reply.

 Learn more! These tips are to get you started on your way to emotional freedom(EF).

Next week, I will go into detail about the seven steps.

 Come back often for a cup of comfort to go with your cup of coffee!

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