Doctor C J's Blog

   We have many opportunities to find soul companions.

  As a therapist with battered women years ago in response to the question why are you still with him? I heard more times than I want to count, “But he is my soul-mate, we can’t live without each other.”  My firm answer was if he is your soul-mate you will meet him again in another life time but for this one, what if you could get healthier? The other part of that conversation is soul-mates do not purposely put dings in your spirit, leave bruises on your body, or put you in the hospital.

I have also helped men and women in non-abusive relationships who thought that they were with their soul-mate and needed to make this special relationship work. “He is the only one that I cannot walk away from completely; I cannot seem to break the tie that binds us.” Here too you or your soul-mate may have unwrapped spiritual gifts for each other and be crossing paths to help each other with personal evolution but after you have exchanged gifts,  acknowledged, and received them, it is time to move on. Why would you stay if neither one of you are happy?

Remember your first love? You can only have one first love. But how many people marry and stay happily married to their first love? Not very many. Is it possible to keep a special place in your heart or memory for this first love ? Will you  figure out how to let him/her go?

Allowing each other to move on and not stifle, smother, or stunt personal evolution is a must. There are signs and steps to recognize when it is time to release the fantasy of a soul-mate, if the relationship is unhealthy. Have you seen them?

No, you are not a hideous red-eyed monster, if you decide it is time to move on for your SEEMP (spiritual, emotional, energetic, mental, and physical) sanity especially when your mate is still stuck in the mud of fear, distrust, and abandonment. I’ll tell you why, you are not a hideous red-eyed monster — if you had what it takes to heal, fix, or help your wounded mate you would have done so already!  Have you tried to buy her emotional health, have you tried to win him, with kindness, and have you tried, tried, and tried??? But he/she is a leaky bucket and whatever you put in drips out, so get out…

Reality Check:

1.       No matter what you do, she/he wants more…

2.       He cannot or will not show you your due respect.

3.       Constant pain indicates time for a change (yours or theirs).

4.       You give her the world and she looks at you like… is that all you got???

5.       You put yourSelf on the shelf and now he even wants that shelf.

Moving forward:

1.       Accept that it is, what it is.

2.       Give each other the gift of personal growth/freedom.

3.       Loving yourSelf first is not the same as being selfish.

4.       Cut those emotional ties/threads/cords and follow your path.

5.       If you have become a butterfly stop acting like a caterpillar.

Please tell me about your experience with a soul-mate. 

Come back for another cup of comfort and we’ll keep talking…