Doctor C J's Blog

Are volunteers!

Do you volunteer?

Yo’ CJ what are you talking about now?

Let me explain – when unexpected, unforeseen, or most often unsolicited things happen to us we’re victims. BUT when we’ve “been there done that” too many time to count we are volunteers. Check this out; when we keep doing the same thing and expecting a different outcome not only are we acting out the definition of insanity we are volunteering for the insanity.

“Insanity is doing the same thing, over and over again, but expecting different results.” Albert Einstein

For example – I had a “friend” who was constantly late for our agreed upon meeting time and I’m talking 25 to 30 minutes late – after the third time I was stuck sitting and waiting on her to get her _____ to the restaurant, I decided that I was volunteering for this madness because in reality, I expected her to be late and she was always late. Now mind you I’m the type if I’m five minutes late I feel guilty for not keeping my end of the bargain. Anyway I made a commitment to myself this is the last time I am sitting here playing like I don’t mind that she is late. I had to draw the line on my time and energy. I let her know that her lateness lifestyle/habit is not okay with me.

She was narcissistic enough to giggle and say, “Girl please you know me and what’s a few minutes between friends!” Of course, since I drew the line I had to stand my ground and didn’t agree to anymore restaurant meetings and our “friendship” failed to thrive.

Healthy boundaries help us achieve and maintain: self-respect, self-love, and self-care! Dr. CJ 

Anyway my whole point is this – it is our task to draw our line (boundaries) and it is our responsibility to let others know the line exist. If you have an invisible line or if it is made of rubber, don’t get your feelings hurt or get upset when someone steps on the line or crosses it. If your line is too flexible – even you might have the tendency to continually move it to accommodate others. Double-dutch works in jumping rope but not in maintaining your boundary line.

“I’m not upset that you lied to me, I’m upset that from now on I can’t believe you.” Friedrich Nietzsche 

Keep your promises!  Put a mental DO NOT CROSS sign on your promises – especially to yourSelf – let your NO mean no and your YES mean yes. If you won’t keep promises to yourSelf – that means you’re not trustworthy- because now your mind, body, and spirit can’t trust you to keep your word/promise and if you can’t trust yourSelf — why should anyone else trust you…

To help maintain your line you have to be clear, convinced, and committed to your boundaries.

Victim or volunteer your choice!

Come back soon for another cup of comfort!