Posted by: C J | April 24, 2012

Is it just your Nature or…

Tell your new story NOW

is it just your story?


We all have stories about our lives, we all have stories that we have heard all of our lives, and we all have stories that have changed our lives. I have enjoyed Oprah’s Life -Class and its discussion of telling your story. Two of her teachers Iyanla Vanzant and Tony Robbins have shared their take on how we get so caught up in retelling our story that we forget to live our lives in a healthy way.

So what exactly is the story?  STORY = life’s challenges, lessons, successes, losses, trials and all those become life-themes.  For example, I have had several clients who were adopted and none of them liked celebrating their birthday. As a matter of fact, the  birth month seems to send them down the rabbit hole scampering for a hiding place. “I hate my birthday Why celebrate -I dread that day.” That is their reaction to their birth story, their being given away, their being abandoned by mom for whatever reason.  

This spring one of my clients has decided to change her story about her birthday. I asked her to tell me a different story. I gave her a technique to help her move beyond her story. She has decided to tell a different story with an ending she can enjoy. It has taken her 50 years to get to this place of being okay with her birthday, to actually look forward to that day, and to stop wasting energy dreading the day. For the first time she wants to celebrate her birthday with a big party with lots of friends, instead of being alone re-experiencing the pain of adoption.

In order to stop telling your unhealthy story you have to stop re-creating the same experience to match the overused story. Your stories become habits, your habits become a part of your daily rhythm, your daily rhythm becomes your life story; it is circular. Change is scary but necessary when you decide to stop telling or living that same old story. Don’t get it twisted there are STORIES that we need to maintain but not those that keep us stuck in pain or will not allow us to grow Spiritually, Emotionally, Mentally (SEM).

Limiting beliefs= stories that no longer fit your life but you hold onto out of habit or insecurity. Examples:” I am not good enough for…, I am not lucky in…, or I am not worthy of …” These negative beliefs are filled with the can’ts, musts, shoulds, if onlys, and of course blame. Let go of those limiting beliefs or lies. Stop with the rational-lies. If you get my drift you are ready for the shift.

If your story never changes, you put limits on your future and you build walls around your heart space. We all have memories that contain pain or suffering but that does not mean we need to dwell in that space or place.

Comfort zone – On Oprah’s Life-Class, Iyanla V. showed us how people get high when they tell their story, it becomes an addictive comfort zone. Many people hide behind beliefs: “That’s just who I am, That’s how I am wired, or It is just my nature”, but be sure and make the distinction between who you are and what you are by being open to who you are.  I’ve learned that if you step right outside the door of your comfort zone,  you will find the real you – right there waiting! How amazing is that?

I’m asking you to tell me your story so you can get it out of your system, so you can let it go, and you won’t have to tell that story to anyone else because it is done. Remember when you know better you do better.

Three ways to change your story

1.   Stop telling it— chose to view it differently

2.   Create a new mental image of you—who do you want to be

3.   Change your behavior– be resilient

  After reading this post please leave me a reply or answer these questions in your reply: What story do you need to share for the last time?  Are you living someone else’s’ story?


Come back soon for another cup of comfort


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